I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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