Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
