Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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