I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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