Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
