hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
