i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
