Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm home, then i'll come over
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.