I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom