The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
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I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
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Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?