Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT