I wish I could teleport
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her