wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
