Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
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I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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