He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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