your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
