sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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