At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
