Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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