Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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