he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
