How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
