Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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