I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
