I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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