i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
