my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Boobs are out for the taking
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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