did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
