Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
