you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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