I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
