my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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