just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
