I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
