Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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