The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
