i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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