You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
