Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
