bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
