just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
