I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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