At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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