Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
