dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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