I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
