1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
