MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
