Ketchup is God's man juice
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
