omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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