Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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