I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
