Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
