Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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