I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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