he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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