I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Enjoy the penises
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
