Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
if only i could text you this smell
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
