I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
