My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
