in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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