discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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