obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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