i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
