Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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