i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
