As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
