I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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