just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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