I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
