this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
